It’s been a while since I blogged. I’ve been having a period of reflection and I’ve also been seeing a new man. It’s in it’s very early stages so I’m not going to write anything about him. I’ve found lately that it isn’t necessarily a good thing to talk about my depression because it’s just been making me feel worse and the reason for this is that I don’t feel many people really understand the bleak, blackness that goes with severe depression. I think a lot of people feel that I should be “back to normal” by now and maybe I’m being negative and wallowing. So I’ve decided for this reason that I will not tell anyone but my counsellor how I really feel, as I am not getting any benefit from being honest. In fact it’s making me feel worse. I think of myself as a strong, intelligent woman who has had a lot to deal with over the years, not least a disabling condition which has turned my life upside down. For now, I just want someone to take my hand, hug me and say “until you feel better, I am here for you. I will listen to you without advice or judgement because I know when you aren’t feeling so low that you are the loveliest, kindest, sweetest, funniest, wild, warm, caring woman.” Is that too much to ask? It seems to be. So I will try telling myself these words over and over until I feel better and I hope I will listen to them and believe them because at the moment I feel I am the only person who can save me from this hell. I’m free falling and I need to find a safe landing place
My Triple D'S 