Cake makes me happy
It’s been a busy weekend as I went out to dinner twice. That’s the way I like it these days because the more i keep busy the less I think. One of my major problems over the last months has been over thinking. Sometimes my head has felt like a washing machine on a continuous spin cycle, over loaded and straining to burst.
On Friday night I went out with my new friend Jane, who is like a mirror image of me in the way she has been suffering from depression. Like me she split up with her partner this year and has found it very hard to cope. Over pasta and copious amounts of wine we talked and talked and as anyone with depression knows, finding a kindred spirit is better than any medication. We didn’t need to explain to each other why we felt so low. We both understood. We know how the pain of depression can at times feel physical. It’s all consuming. I didn’t give her advice and she didn’t give me any. We are both here for each other now and I am so pleased to call her a friend. We have agreed to meet up for dinner and drinks every month. She is someone I will talk to about my feelings because I know I will never be judged by her.
On Saturday I went out with the new man for dinner and drinks. We have only known each other for about 6 weeks but he is so easy to talk to and I feel “normal” when in his company. We talk about anything and everything but he has never commented on my neck and that is mainly due to the fact that i initiate everything so I am always on his left side. If he’s noticed he has never said. I will tell him eventually but at the moment it’s so good not to talk about it. I don’t want to be defined by my Dystonia. Sometimes it’s easier to hide it than at other times and it’s exhausting hiding it too. This is my choice though, as I’m sure it wouldn’t make any difference to him. I laugh a lot when I’m with him and he makes me happy but I will tread very slowly.
Today, Sunday, I baby sat my grandchildren which was a joy as usual and then when my daughter and son in law returned we had a takeaway for dinner. All in all it’s been a good weekend, with good company and three lovely meals. Being depressed isn’t about being miserable all the time. I have my good times but I also have my lows. I fight hard for the good times, as in the past I would have hidden myself away rather than socialise. Now I push myself to get out there and meet people. I need people around me as loneliness makes my depression worse.
Who knows what next week will bring but this weekend has been good. I have had happy times. I tell myself that I’m doing well and I think I’m just starting to listen.
My Triple D'S 